So what’s actually happening that night? What can we expect? We’re very much not “wedding” people, or “party” people, so we wanted to plan an event that was very mellow and comfortable, more about lounging and visiting with friends than going crazy on a dance floor. Our venue, Dirty Habit, is actually great for this: it’s very much an intimate space, full of comfortable seating and quiet little corners. We’ve bought out the restaurant for the entire evening, and we’ll have different events in different “pockets” throughout the night; the restaurant is designed like a collection of smaller rooms, rather than one large space. Our ceremony will be outside on the patio at 5pm, followed by an open bar cocktail hour for guests while we get our pictures taken. After that, the dining area will be opened up. Dirty Habit is known for it’s tapas-style smaller plates, so we will have food stations designed to meet a range of dietary restrictions, and you’ll be able to pick and choose what you’d like based on your personal needs. Our chef knows there are a small handful of guests for which the pick-and-choose option isn't sufficient for safety or religious reasons, so we will do our best to provide alternatives. Don't worry, no one will starve; it's silly to travel to a city known for it's food community, to attend the wedding of two people who are enthusiastic about food, and not be able to eat. There will be traditional tables and chairs inside within the dining area, as well as additional lounge-style seating outside on the patio. Dessert and toasts will follow. You’re not “party” people, and you don’t dance, so…how do we have fun? Our not dancing is as much for your benefit as it is for ours. Trust us, you don’t want to see it. Having said that, there will be an “informal” dance floor in the bar area in case you absolutely must get your groove on. But for everyone else, we’ll be offering Cads About Matrimony (think wedding-themed Cards Against Humanity) and other social tabletop games. We’re looking at our wedding as an opportunity for you to catch up with old friends, or make some new ones—it turns out we know some awesome people who have lots in common, but they’ve never met. ;) Sam’s Jewish, right? Is this a Jewish wedding? It is! Sort of. Sam identifies as Jewish culturally, but not religiously. As the joke goes, Sam is Jew-ISH. Jewish weddings offer a wide range of traditions, and we will be incorporating some of those elements into our wedding as long as they adhere to and respect our agnosticism. We will be married by a rabbi who specializes in secular Jewish weddings (she also takes pride in supporting interfaith and same-sex marriages, both of which are important to us as well). The ceremony will be under a chuppah, a canopy, which traditionally symbolizes the home the couple will be building together. We will sign a ketubah, a Jewish wedding contract. After the vows and all the standard marriage stuff, Brandon will follow the Jewish tradition of stomping on glass. As soon as you hear the "crunch", we celebrate! (Traditionally, guests shout "mazel tov!" at this point, but you don't have to.) We will be observing yichud afterwards during the cocktail hour, not because anything needs to be, ahem, “made official”, but because we’re introverts at heart, and we just want to take a few minutes to catch our breath alone, together, before ramping up for photos and the reception. Yarmulkes/kippahs (those little round cloth disks you’ve seen on the heads of Jewish men) aren’t required, don’t worry. What should I wear? Is there a dress code? It’s a Saturday night city wedding, which implies one dress code, but that city is San Francisco, which implies a different dress code. Together, they average out to “cocktail attire”. Semi-formal wouldn’t be out of place, but feel free to go more casual if that’s what you’d prefer. San Francisco in August at night can be a little chilly, though there will be heat lamps and a fire outside on the patio. Bare arms, for example, might be ok during the ceremony, but you might be a tad uncomfortable once the sun sets. There are hard floors throughout, so no need to worry about your heels being stuck in grass. Honestly, just wear what makes you feel super snazzy, and you’ll be fine. Are children invited? Sure! Just be forewarned that we will be having an open bar, and there is an exposed fire pit on the patio, so take that how you will. I heard Sam isn’t wearing white. Is there a color I should avoid wearing? Nope, wear whatever you want. Sam isn’t worried about “competition”—we’re fairly certain you’ll know who the bride is. Plus, if you know us at all, you’ll know black definitely isn’t off-limits. (Sam has often joked that she will be wearing more color in one day than she wears in a year.) You seem to have listed quite a bit on your registries for a couple who claims not to want or need anything. What gives? (Ha, “gives”.) It comes down to wanting to offer as much flexibility and choice to our guests as possible. We really, truly, don’t need or expect anything from our guests, we’re just happy you’ve agreed to share the day with us, and all that entails. That being said, we understand everyone likes to give gifts in different ways, so we wanted to offer options, but also explain our thought process. Philanthropy is very important to us, so we’d like to strongly note that a donation to one of our selected charities is preferable over a more traditional gift. We’ve tried to offer a range of causes that are important to us as liberal, artistic, animal-loving feminists, but we understand not everyone is like us. That’s ok. Only do what feels right for you. For those who would prefer a physical gift, we’ve selected a limited number of items that would be lovely additions to our home. Food and cooking/baking are very important to us, so most of these items are for the kitchen. We tried to avoid anything with an expiration date (i.e. appliances that will become outdated) or anything having to do with naked bodies (towels, linens), in favor of items that will stay with us for as long as possible, be used frequently and with appreciation, bring us joy (or amusement), and/or will fondly remind us of you. Besides, this way, we get to potentially send you proof we loved your gift when we send out our “thank you” cards. But, because we’re not planning to stay in our current apartment forever, and space is limited, we also wanted to offer the option of gifting us experiences, and thus, memories. All of the love, none of the clutter. But really, none of this is required. We know getting to San Francisco in August is an ordeal in itself, and potentially an expensive one at that, so we’re truly thankful you’d be willing to make the effort to come to our wedding. That’s enough for us. <3 Will Sam be keeping or changing her name? What if we need to address things to you in the future? Sam will be keeping her name, so "Samantha Wolov" is just fine. "Empress Wolov" has a nice ring to it. (As does "Samantha Wolov, Benevolent Space Dictator." "Wolov" just goes with everything.) (And in case anyone wasn't sure as to how it's pronounced, it sounds like "wall-of", like Great Wall of China.) Where are you going for your honeymoon? We've decided to take a couple of weeks of relaxation and sightseeing in Iceland. We're all ears if you've been there before and have suggestions. Fire and ice seemed appropriate. Who can I contact from the wedding if I need help or more information? Sam is generally around and available, so feel free to call her or email wedding@hotmatrimonyaction.com. The weekend of the wedding might be more complicated, so we recommending reaching out to either her mother, Bev Wolov, or her mother's partner, Peter Blau. The number for the front desk of Hotel Zelos is 1-415-348-1111.